President Bush's address

President bush has just announced a plan to send national guard troops to the US-Mexico border."I-In Mexico, there are lots of... Mexicans. And Mexicans, they isn't Amuricans, beause... only Amuricans can be Amuricans... otherwise they're not Amuricans, they're Mexican, or Russian, or, or Italiish. Or is it Italican? Shucks, I can't remember now. Anyway, the point I;m trying to make is that Mexicans ain't Amuricans. They don't even speak Amurican! They speak Mexican! Now, I'm not saying the-there;s anythin' wrong with the Mexiquats... I love Mexicanian culture, I- I'm a big fan of... burrrritoes. (That's called rolling your rr's, an important part of the Mexicali language) And -and quesadillers... . But mainly Dos Equis. Boy do I love that Dos Equis! As they say in Mexicania, "me liko." Of course, after the whole "llama incident" Laura doesn't let me drink anymore. Heh heh heh."Later, Homeland Secretary Secretary Michael Chertoff was asked about the plan."Some have claimed that putting 6000 troops isn't going to change anything along a 1200 mile border. These traitors also point out that if you really wanted to come here you could hop on a boat, travel a couple miles and land write next to Joe's Crab Shack at Laguna Beach. These people are idiots. Look, I am the Secretary of Homeland Security. It is my job! Look, I know there's only 6,000, but we're giving them binoculars. This means that they can see further. We also invented an "immigrant trap." We place a fish taco or other delicious example of the Mexican cuisine out in the middle of the desert, but it causes a trap to fall on the immigrant until an INS official can extract him! See you guys? We will think of anything that doesn't work. I meant everything that does work. What I'm trying to say is that we're thinking, and thinking is good. Look, don't you think I know what I'm doing? Briefing is over, no further questions."